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Posts Tagged ‘Zack Snyder’

Movie Review by Matthew Schuchman- Bald Upper Lip

Dear “Battle: L.A.,” I sincerely apologize. I know I was hard on you and maybe went a little overboard, but after seeing the new Zack Snyder eye candy flick, “Sucker Punch” you deserve an award. (more…)

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Movie Review by Matthew Schuchman- One and a Half out of Five ‘Staches.

Information about owls that I learned from watching, “Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole: Owls use snakes as wet nurses.  Owls can be rendered not only flightless, but completely immobile by a pile of tiny pieces of metal.  A flight that takes two or more days by an owl, can be made in twenty minutes by the same owl, if said owl is trying to save its friends.  Owls with no beak can speak just like any other owl (given that they can speak at all).  If you are a bad owl, bats will do your bidding.

Yes, I know this is a kids movie, but even a five-year old could point out all the problems with this film.  They can also point out all the drivel that is wholly unoriginal about “Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole”.  Of course, I hope no one minds from this point forward, if I only call this movie by a truncated name, since the real one is too long for its own good.  Maybe I am off base and children will love this film.  In fact, I know they will because kids love anything that is marketed to them.  But “Legend of the Guardians” is very violent and very dark and I am amazed it gets away with a PG rating.  There were a few kids crying during the screening and one was taken out about thirty minutes in; possibly murdered. There is no reason to be surprised over how violent some of the visuals are as the film was directed by Zack Snyder.  If you don’t know, Zack Snyder is the man behind the remake of “Dawn of the Dead” (his only decent film), the  sweaty man fest “300” and the film adaptation of “The Watchmen”.  Besides the fact that the film was violent beyond necessity, it should be obvious that if Snyder couldn’t turn in a three-hour long film that made any sense, then why should one believe this  hour and a half misfire could have a nice bow tied around it.  I mean, the man can’t even make an animated kids film without turning everything into a slow motion bash fest.

This film is just a mess.  It starts off promising.  The characters are super adorable, there are some decent laughs and it looks pretty.  All in all, “Legend of the Guardians” turns into a massive comedy of errs that makes absolutely no sense.  As far as I can tell, there is a slight mention of bad owls wanting to be the rulers of the world, but in actuality, there is no real reason given as to the motives of either side of the conflict.  The bad guy ends up really just wanting revenge because the good guys kicked his butt in the past.  Like a James Bond villain, he just gives everyone too much time to mess up his plans.

It is sad when a film gets one and a half ‘staches based purely on the fact that the characters are cute.  There is nothing else worth mentioning about “Legend of the Guardians” except that is it unintentionally one of the funniest movies I have seen since “Star Wars: Episode III”.  I could not stop laughing on the way home about how ridiculous this movie is.  The saddest fact is though, the movie will bring in a decent box office, where good films like, “Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World” get passed over in the mind of the ticket buyer.

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